How to do Glastonbury and festival season like a VIP

Swap troughs for flushing toilets and sleeping bags for Egyptian cotton sheets to get through festival season in style
Make like a celeb: Rita Ora and Nick Grimshaw at this year's festival
Instagram/ Nick Grimshaw
Emma Powell27 June 2017
The Weekender

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Tired of slumming it in a field with temperamental weather, no access to flushing toilets and cans of warm beer, we decided to think like the celebs and enjoy Glastonbury with a dollop of VIP treatment.

Although the festival is over and the clean-up has begun, we’ve thought about all the bases you need to cover to enjoy your own taste of the high life this festival season.

Pre-festival

You’ve got to start off looking good. So, despite the fact they inevitably get caked in mud, I sought out James Harknett, whose clients include Julia Stiles and Michelle Keegan, for a spray tan to take the sheen off of my painfully pale ‘pins’.

He's the Leonardo da Vinci of fake tanning and turned me into Pamela Anderson circa Baywatch - minus the figure. He's totally fabulous and takes one look before picking the perfect colour and setting to work on the transformation. He sent me on my way with a Vaseline spray moisturiser to help keep my skin hydrated and maintain the tan for longer.

And relax: The Away Spa at the W Hotel
W Hotel

The Away Spa at the W Hotel, where James is tucked away, also offers a Party Girl Package to attend to all your festival needs from an express mani or pedi to a Glow and Go facial, all washed down with a mini bottle of champagne.

For my hair, I headed to Cobella and opted for quickies hair extensions to add some temporary extra volume. They usually last anywhere from four to six weeks and can be reapplied up to three times.

Travel

Jeremy Corbyn might be happy to sit on the floor of a train but I doubt many VIPs would – so how do you bypass the crowds and arrive in style? After accepting that a private jet or doing a Victoria Beckham and flying in by helicopter were overly ambitious I turned to a private chauffeur.

Mike arrived in an Audi bright and early on Thursday morning and put up with my demands for the toilet and food during the four hour trip. But no matter how great it was to have Mike drive my friend and I there, the luxury of a private chauffeur didn’t hit home until we dragged ourselves – wrecked by a lack of sleep, burned by the sun and ravaged by the weekend – out of the festival and into the car.

But if you are feeling like Beckham, and want to bypass the traffic, Atlas Helicopters fly from a handful of UK locations to festivals including Bestival and Reading and Leeds and provide complimentary champagne en route. And if the Heavens open, flexible booking allows you to call in the chopper and escape whenever you’ve had enough.

Accommodation

For the masses, festivals are doable with a tent, wellies, a decent waterproof and a box of beer and, or wine. For the VIPs, essentials include a tent - with a door - an actual bed with Egyptian cotton sheets and champagne.

Camp Kerala – billed as Glastonbury’s most luxurious off-site camping – is made up of 100 bespoke Shikar tents from the Maharajah of Jodhpur and boasts ‘tent service’ teams, a spa, cocktail mixologists and the Kerala Cocoon fancy-dress den. Expect neighbours like Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt.

Ultimate luxury: One of the tents at Camp Kerala
Camp Kerala

Another option is the Pop Up Hotel which is located about a 15 minute walk from gate D and is totally secluded. Like a scene from Alice in Wonderland, you enter through a black door with a red carpet, obviously, which is guarded by a ‘policeman’ whose job it is to keep the ‘rabble’ out. A makeshift village of bell tents and yurts houses the likes of the Made in Chelsea lot and features a pampering area and swimming pool. Heading to Volt Festival, Oktoberfest or Kendall Calling? Get in touch.

Hotel Bell Tent is one of many luxury ‘glamping’ companies providing the ‘necessities’ from luxury Bedouin tents complete with electric brass lanterns and thick Persian rugs to retro Airstreams featuring fully equipped kitchens and air-conditioning. They’re available to hire at festivals including Green Man and Bestival.

Toilets

The toilets are always a good indication of just how VIP you are. As the masses inhale the pungent stench of urine and goodness knows what else while queuing like cattle to relieve themselves in the green troughs, hospitality has white portacabins with actual flushing toilets. But the real VIPs gets treated to additional luxurious touches including wood panelling and stainless steel bins – and they're completely stench free.

On site pampering

Ever wondered how celebs look like they're in St Tropez instead of a field? They get pampered. Vanity Van, whose clients included Millie Mackintosh, pitched up at the Pop Up Hotel this year to keep all the VIPs looking flawless for the whole weekend, offering hair and make-up as well as facials and massages to rejuvenate those tired feet from standing around watching bands from the side of the stage.

Pampering: The Vanity Van at the Pop Up Hotel soothed tired party-goers

We popped in on Saturday afternoon and asked them to work their magic. We left with mermaid braids and an updo Mohawk.

Food and drink

While thousands enjoy, or rather make do with, curry and chips avec ‘lumps’ and something that sort of resembles a burrito, the festival's elite are dining on sirloin steak with a side of truffle chips. Hospitality passes and VIP packages provide access to backstage areas kitted out with private bars and gourmet food. Upcoming festivals including V Festival and Lattitude provide VIP packages that include access to delicious street food stalls.

Celebs to follow on Instagram for Glastonbury 2017

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