Londoner's Diary: BBC respond to Donald Trump with British dry wit

In today's Diary: Trump and the BBC | Kompromat paranoia | Obama President of Spotify | Mary Berry advises for a moist January | Aga Khan's Bake Off
US President-elect Donald Trump speaks during a press conference January 11, 2017 at Trump Tower in New York. Trump held his first news conference in nearly six months Wednesday, amid explosive allegations over his ties to Russia, a little more than a week before his inauguration. / AFP / TIMOTHY A. CLARY
AFP/Getty Images
14 January 2017

IN a rumbustuous press conference yesterday President-elect Donald Trump made sweeping attacks on the media, who were bold enough to try to ask him questions. The shade Donald threw was so huge that it fell across our very own BBC News.

Lambasting CNN as “fake news” for its coverage of alleged Russian intelligence services dossier, Trump refused to talk. “Your organisation is terrible,” he huffed. The next brave journalist with a raised hand was the Beeb’s Ian Pannell. “BBC News. That’s another beauty,” Trump smirked. “Thank you, thank you,” said Pannell politely, not quite picking up on the sneer. The fearless Brit pushed on but was soon shut down.

That’s no way to treat Auntie. The Londoner asked the BBC whether it feared being blacklisted by the Trump administration. At first we struggled through a swamp of bureaucracy that Trump himself would surely like to drain. Then a plucky press officer said the British would fight on. “I’m not sure we would add anything,” she said.

One thing that Trump couldn’t control were the deadpan captions on BBC News. “Trump: ‘Inauguration is going to be so elegant’” and “Trump: ‘My cabinet is probably the greatest ever’,” they read, illustrating PEOTUS’s modesty. Their author, the BBC’s Robert Coxwell, told of his temptation to go off piste. “Everyone who’s ever text produced will tell you their fantasies of putting a rude message on the ticker,” he tweeted.

Being attacked by Trump has upped the sales of The New York Times and Vanity Fair, and our own Matthew D’Ancona thinks it could be good news for the corporation too. “Badge of honour for BBC to be on Trump’s hit list. Justifies the licence fee,” he wrote.

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On the matter of kompromat (compromising material collected by the FSB), The Londoner was told of the night one engineer stayed in a Russian hotel. Knowing rooms were often bugged, he took a number of tools and investigated, finding nothing until he rolled back the carpet and discovered a plate attached to the floor with half a dozen bolts. He started undoing them, and as the last one came loose, there was a loud crash below. He’d undone the dining room’s chandelier.

The softer side of Soho’s Norman Balon

Happy Birthday, Norman Balon! Soho’s most famous pub landlord, immortalised in the play Jeffrey Bernard is Unwell and cartoon strip The Regulars, turned 90 this week.

Balon was famously rude to the crowds of students and TV luvvies who used to mingle with his hard-drinking regulars at The Coach and Horses on Greek Street, but our correspondent at the surprise party thrown for him yesterday had a secret: “Norman is kind!”

Also in attendance was Michael Heath, author of The Regulars and a spring chicken at 81. “I’ve always thought of you as my father,” he told Balon after presenting him with a bespoke cartoon. They start young in Soho.

Mary Berry's indulgent advice

Tutus on last night for the English National Ballet’s premiere launch party of Giselle, showing at the Coliseum, which took place at St Martins Lane . The event drew a beautiful crowd, from Tamara Rojo (pictured left) to Lamar Jackson and Emele Sandé. The Londoner made a beeline for Mary Berry. It turned into a love-in, with us applauding Ms Berry’s style.

She repaid the compliment: “I always feel very lucky if I find a Standard left at Marylebone station.” She gave tips for getting over the winter blues, brushing off of the Dry January fad. “Why have you not got a glass of wine in your hand? Wine is very helpful for sore throats.”

From king of cool to a spin wizard

Barack Obama bade a tearful farewell this week but what will he do next? Talking to Swedish ambassador Mark Brzezinski at the White House, he reportedly quipped, “I’m still waiting for my job at Spotify … ‘Cause I know y’all loved my playlist!”

Music streaming service Spotify has obliged with a tailored job spec. It has just advertised the position of the President of Playlists. The role involves “overseeing our music curation and playlists team”, and offering “world-class leadership to our playlist editors and supporting staff.”

While the ad is open to anyone, only one man seems to have the necessary experience.The job asks for “nothing short of one of the greatest speakers of all time” and that the candidate has “at least eight years running a highly-regarded nation” . The ad also asks for an “good team spirit, excellent work ethic, a friendly and warm attitude, and a Nobel Peace Prize”. Bob Dylan has a Nobel for literature but perhaps Spotify is worried he wouldn’t turn up to work.

Obama has musical pedigree. His holiday playlist for trips to Martha’s Vineyard included Stevie Wonder, Nina Simone and Coldplay. As Donald Trump struggles for stars to play his inauguration concert, should he turn to Obama to act as DJ?

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It all happens in Russia. In this week’s Spectator, Sebastian Faulks describes a visit to a hotel in Moscow at the turn of the century. “The hotel lobbies then swarmed with prostitutes, Goldman Sachs salesmen and gangsters.” The Londoner wondered whether Faulks might have the inside scoop. “I did not spot the President-elect,” he told us. “I don’t think book fairs are his thing.”

At home with the Aga

To South Kensington for the Boat International Ocean Awards - the magazine is the yacht owner’s bible. No sign of Lionheart owner “Sir” Philip Green sadly. Terence Disdale, the world’s most reknowned yacht designer was keen to distance himself from the former BHS owner “We don’t design boats for people like that,” he said.

Among the notable guests were Princess Zahra Aga Khan, daughter of the Aga Khan, one of the spiritual leaders of Islam and racehorse breeder and a demi-billionaire. Was she related to the country kitchen oven, asked a slightly inebriated party goer? Princess Zahra, who lives in the Berkshire countryside, explained: “Not exactly. Though we do put piglets or lambs in the cool side of the Aga: if you have premature pigs and lambs you put them in the bottom right corner of a farmhouse Aga.”

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Concession of the day: Arron Banks, who tweeted the fall of the Roman Empire was due to immigration, only for Mary Beard to step in. “She was the expert,” Banks accepted today.

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