Brexit: How to move on if your WhatsApp exploded with family feuds

So, your phone is filled with family feuds and friendship Factionalism. How to move on? Rosamund Urwin and Frankie McCoy have a 15-step plan
Stronger together
Getty

Many likened it to grief. Those who voted Remain on Thursday, wanting the UK to stay in the European Union, are currently somewhere along the mourning process. There are those in denial, clinging to potential get-out clauses. Could Nicola Sturgeon block it? Might a new Tory leader not want to trigger Article 50? Could we have a second referendum?

Many more are angry: at Boris Johnson for leading the Leave campaign, at David Cameron for foisting a referendum upon the nation and at family and friends who voted to leave.

Others have moved into the bargaining stage. Does it really need to be a quickie divorce? Could we do a deal and seek a compromise with Europe? Is it all really lost?

And now a lot of us are sliding into depression, having spent the weekend in bed binge-watching Netflix while downing neat gin. Gloomy talk is rife. A friend went and stockpiled meat this weekend, fearing imminent rises in food prices.

The fifth stage of grief, though, is acceptance. London is still a world-class city. But this plebiscite has revealed quite how split the country is. It’s time we started the reconciliation process for a divided nation. Here’s how we heal.

1. Don’t get mad, get political

For all those feeling impotent, join a political party. Become a Labour Party member and (almost certainly) help decide the next leader of the opposition. Join the Tories and help determine who is the next Prime Minister. Or join the Lib-Dems, who are pledging to keep Britain in the European Union. A general election may well be coming: make sure you have a say in who its main players are.

Become a Labour Party member and (almost certainly) help decide the next leader of the opposition 
Isabel Infantes/PA Wire

2. Become a social media hermit

A lesson from this referendum is that social media is an echo-chamber: many in the Remain camp have been surprised to lose because they felt all their Facebook friends were on their side. But now, Twitter especially has become a place of recrimination, of angry arguments, even of abuse. Some friends have gone full techno Shabbat: taking themselves off social media entirely. But if you don’t want to go that far, the “mute” button is your friend: use it liberally and stay sane.

3. Hug Granny Leave

The referendum has deepened a generational chasm, pitching the baby boomers (mainly Outers) against their predominantly pro-EU children. Many young people feel a European identity has been stolen from them, along with a thriving economy. Family relations have been strained. A friend is no longer speaking to her father, having called him a racist; another called up his parents on Friday to tell them to give up all dreams of grandchildren. But politics isn’t worth falling out over: better to try to reshape opinions than destroy relationships. If the Johnsons are still getting along, so can the rest of us.

4. Engage the young

It isn’t quite as simple as an inter-generational blame game. A Sky poll estimated that only 36 per cent of 18- to 24-year-olds voted. This should be a wake-up call that we need to find ways to engage the disaffected youth.

Only 36 per cent of 18- to 24-year-olds voted 
REUTERS

5. Make immigrants feel appreciated

The toxicity of the Leave campaign has risked alienating EU workers here. The past three days have seen a wave of hate crimes and racial abuse in the wake of the result. Whether you voted Leave or Remain, we must show that this has no place in our society. Time to make our EU friends feel welcome. They’re five per cent of NHS staff across the UK, and a higher percentage in London.

6. Hug a Brexiteer

A friend who voted out says a colleague accused them of voting for millions of job losses. In London, among the young, where they’re a particular minority, they feel maligned. Time to show them a little love. We’re better than this.

7. Sporting success

Remember how London 2012 brought us all together? Well, Wimbledon started this morning, and we’re still in the football. Let’s cheer on Murray and Rooney and remember there’s more that unites us than divides us.

Leave wins EU referendum - in pictures

1/23

8. Hug the rainbow

Pride on Saturday showed the capital coming together to celebrate diversity. There were proposing policemen and international development minister Justine Greening announced she was in a same-sex relationship. Though there’s a way to go, think how far this country has come.

9. Festivals

Hold on to the Glastonbury high. Despite the teeth-gnashing and wailing heard from tents in Somerset on Friday, referendum woes were quickly quashed by cider-swilling, Adele-lip-syncing and mud-slaloming. The combination of music and mild substance abuse means festivals are the perfect way to forget about Brexit and reconcile with your buddies. Celebrate Britain while we still have it at British Summer Time this Saturday, have a love-in at Lovebox on July 15-16, or take your last chance to cross the Scottish border without a passport at T in the Park, July 8-10.

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10. Make new friends

Even if it was only to disagree, the referendum broke down social barriers. You talked to your barista, postman and office doorman about how they were voting. Keep discussions up with random people in the wake of Brexit. Hey, you might just learn something,

11. It could be worse

If you loathe Michael Gove and Boris Johnson, just think of Donald Trump. The Republican’s presidential hope landed in Scotland to open the Trump Turnberry golf resort just as the result was announced on Friday and immediately tweeted his satisfaction with Brexit: “Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!” Never mind that, as a country, Scotland overwhelmingly voted to Remain. Brexiteers and Bremainers alike joined forces in mocking the Donald.

12. A new language

The plebiscite has boosted our vocabulary. As well as “Brexit”, there was the “regretxit” — when you woke up on Friday to market chaos and wished you’d voted Remain — and the possibility of a “neverendum”: a series of seemingly unending referendums. “Jexit” was the name given to the bid to oust Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.

13. Man’s best friends

Nothing brings people together despite abject political discord than an adorable dog meme. Pets got heavily involved in the referendum campaign, from the Leave campaign’s T-shirt-wearing #PetsForBritain to the aloof stares of the #CatsAgainstBrexit, pictures of which cheered the battlefront of social media. But they also brought us back together, as #dogsatpollingstations transcended the Leave/Remain divide. Let’s try to emulate our canine pals’ political ambivalence to German Shepherds, West Highland Terriers and Old English Sheepdogs alike.

 Retriever Tollie takes part in the #DogsAtPollingStations hashtag (Twitter/@mrjohnofarrell )
Twitter/@mrjohnofarrell

14. Shadow cabinet resignation bingo

As the Labour Party had a staggered implosion, with shadow minister after shadow minister resigning by the hour (although taking a break for the football) we did at least find gallows humour. The best was Buzzfeed’s game: Shadow cabinet resignation bingo — although it was hard to keep up really.

15. We can be frenemies

The referendum didn’t go London’s way. But it did show that you can transcend traditional party lines to forge new alliances. Let’s apply that wisdom to our new reality and link arms across the big Brexit divide.

Follow Rosamund Urwin on Twitter: @RosamundUrwin

Follow Frankie McCoy on Twitter: @franklymccoy

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