Skinny jeans... how tight can you go?

The all-reigning skinny jeans show no sign of RIP-ing soon but they aren’t any easier to get into. Kara Dolman on the best ways to pull yourself into yours
Kara Dolman26 July 2012

Skinny jeans, like house music, really are a trend that will not die. When they first arrived in the shape of Topshop’s Baxter in 2004, nobody thought they’d actually catch on, regardless of rapturous fashion applause. What? Forgo my trusty — and flattering — boot cuts for a pair that will make my legs look like sausages and cut off the circulation to my more private parts?

Of course, the sight of Kate Moss in an item can do wonders for what women, and some men, are willing to suffer. As soon as La Moss was spotted in an exceptionally terrifying light-grey pair, they sold like hot cakes. Ironic given that hot cakes are Kryptonite for skinny jean wearers.

Now a London wardrobe essential — 214,405 pairs were sold on eBay alone last year — they show no sign of RIP-ing any time soon, despite the fact that they are getting tighter by the season. (Just try, or attempt to, Cheap Monday’s spray-on style for proof.)

In fact these days, whatever the weather, you can barely move on the Tube for skinistas rearranging their tightly twisted calf seams, hoiking up their waistbands — forced down throughout the day by food belly gravity — and fearfully checking their reflections in the carriage glass. Visible cellulite is always the worst case scenario.

“Skinny jeans have become one of the staple jean styles,” says our fashion editor Karen Dacre. “And as long as they are well-fitted and a flattering shade, any size looks great in them.” Quite. There’s just something a bit cooler about them than, say, a boot cut, which will always be a bit more Posh than Moss. Not that it makes them any easier to wriggle into in the first place.

Bar one annoyingly thinny-gened member of our features team — “Seriously? I pull them on and fasten the button. What’s so difficult?” — each had their own horror story, including a pair that ripped at the crotch in public, and different techniques for getting into their own.

So with no sign that we might forgo style for comfort any time soon, here’s the skinny on how best to get into yours. Although we can’t promise you won’t cut off the blood supply to certain vital areas by midday.

Method one

The plaster pull

It may be quick, it may be effective, but we can’t guarantee it will be painless. Rather than wrestling them on inch by inch, take our fashion department’s approach and yank them on in one short, sharp move.

Try bunching the jeans’ material around your ankles like a pair of tights, before taking tight hold of the waistband and pull, pull, PULLLLLLLLL. Don’t stop until your skinnies are perfectly in place — even if your chafed skin is screaming for mercy.

Disclaimer: This technique may occasionally result in ripping.

Method two

The lunge and lift

Okay, so your skinnies have made the difficult voyage from ankles, over kneecaps and across the expanse of the thighs. All that now remains between them and the final frontier, the zipper, is the tricky bottom-to-hip zone.

Do NOT be defeated. Simply hook your fingers through the belt loops and simultaneously lunge and hoist. Alternate legs if needed. How else do you think Jennifer Lopez gets into her super-skinny J Brands?

Method three

The oil and wax

Not all jeans are created equal — can it be coincidence that sales of Zara’s waxed style have skyrocketed just as skinnies have become thinner than ever? We think not. Why struggle into a pair of chafing denims when you can slide into this season’s waxed look instead?

For extra ease, liberally moisturise with a lotion or oil before attempting skinny jean application — ensuring the result will be wax on, wax up.

Note: American Apparel’s high-shine Disco Pants, though TERROR-inducing at first sight, are another good slip-on style.

Method four

The coat hanger

If you’ve succeeded in getting your skinnies on — mazel tov — only to find they just won’t zip up, then stop, it’s hanger time. This means the age-old technique of lying down on a non-slip surface and using a heavy wooden coat hanger (plastic ones snap under the force) to firmly hike them up the rest of the way.

But beware — unless you plan to take said hanger out with you, you’ll struggle to get back into them if needed. Which might explain the choruses of “You can’t touch this” chanted by disco-panted Dalstonites on EastEnd nights out.

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