Indian Matchmaking star Aparna Shewakramani: I can’t go back and change my narrative on the show

The star divided opinions with her straight-talking manner and hard-to-please attitude - but Shewakramani says there was more to her story that viewers never got a chance to see
Indian Matchmaking made a star out of Aparna
Netflix

Indian Matchmaking star Aparna Shewakramani might just be the most polarising woman on Netflix – which she should probably be proud of, given some of the characters on rival show Selling Sunset.

Since the controversial arranged marriage reality show-stroke-docuseries came out six weeks ago, the high-flying insurance lawyer – a veteran of the 55-minute date - has been called “snobbish and condescending”, “the woman who hates all men”, and “the most hate-able person on TV”.

But what angers her trolls the most is Shewakramani’s complete disinterest in their comments.

“I just don’t have time for all the negativity that’s being flung by people behind keyboards across the world who have never met me,” she tells me over WhatsApp call from her home in Houston, Texas. It’s 9am her time and Shewakramani, 34, has already been awake for three hours, walking her dog, Conan, and firing off emails to clients to carve out enough time to speak to me before her next interview.

Shewakramani was known for being straight talking
Netflix

It sounds exhausting, but Shewakramani assures me it’s nothing out of the ordinary since accidentally shooting to global stardom (“I thought it was going to be a docuseries about my culture when I signed up… we only found out it going to be global a week before it aired”).

For the last six weeks she’s been sleeping just three hours a night to fit in all the press: interviews with Europe in the mornings, America throughout the day, and India from 10pm until midnight. Somewhere in between, she has to fit in her full-time job as general counsel at an insurance firm. Oh, and on Sundays she switches off her phone for eight hours to work on her travel company, My Golden Balloon. Aside from the occasional Peloton spin class and cast-mate FaceTime, that’s about as close to downtime as she gets.

For fans of the show – most people with a Netflix password, by the looks of Twitter - it’ll come as no surprise that Shewakramani doesn’t enjoy what most of us would traditionally consider as relaxing. In her introduction to the series, she tells matchmaker Sima Taparia, an impeccably dressed auntie figure, that she always wanted to go to law school - “I decided when I was seven” – and that she gives men an hour to prove themselves as a suitable partner on a first date.

Sima Taparia has a tough time finding Shewakramani a partner
Netflix

In episode three, she tells her date Dilip that the longest she could spend on a beach is three hours. “Why would you relax for ten days? That’s weird. I’m concerned if you have to relax for ten days.”

Beaches aren’t the only no-no on Shewakramani’s red list. Among her catalogue of dating dislikes: comedy (“I don’t want the funniest guy in the room”), podcast hosts, football (“unless we’re in the club level suite tickets”) and, most memorably, men not knowing know Bolivia has salt flats.

“Do we have to see our husbands all the time? Is that a thing that people have to do?” she asks seriously in episode one. “Because I’d rather not, I think.”

Comments like these quickly rocketed Shewakramani to breakout star status when the show dropped on Netflix last month. The eight-part series paints her to be a “tough”, “fickle-minded” lawyer-type and Taparia worries she’s too picky to find a husband, but Shewakramani insists it’s all a clever trick of reality TV editing. Yes, she is strong and opinionated – “I deserve to have a partner that I want” - but she is far from man-hating and she has a long list of “likes” that producers edited out.

Shewakramani admits she's remained closer with the men on the programme
Netflix

In fact, most of the cast-mates she’s closest to are men. Despite none of them working out romantically on the show, she insists they’re her “biggest cheerleaders” today. She and “best friend” Shekar speak every day – she’s visiting him in Chicago next month – and she plans to join cast-mates Dilip and Jay in moving to New York next year.

Is she frustrated these dates were painted as so disastrous on the show? Shewakramani admits it was frustrating to watch – particularly the un-aired moments on her date with Srini, which had left her feeling “disrespected” and in tears – but trying to explain the reality to her followers is like crying over spilt milk.

“I can’t go back and change my narrative on the show,” she reasons. “I know what happened, I know the truth and I do think the viewers were done a disservice by not seeing my story, but that wasn’t my choice to make.”

Ultimately, she likes who she is and is looking at the positives that have come from the show: a close group of friends, publicity for her travel business, a platform for discussing topics of female empowerment.

Though she’s still single two years on, she has no regrets about being picky. The message she’s always stuck to is that women should never be apologetic for having high standards, a mantra that has won her 51,000 mostly-female followers on Instagram and “thousands” of messages. She says she receives hundreds of DMs on Instagram a day, thanking her for taking part in the series and helping other South Asian women feel empowered. Some say her attitude has helped them leave toxic relationships, and she’s had messages from men, too, who hope to raise their daughters to be strong like her.

“I think that’s particularly special,” Shewakramani says of the comments from young fathers. “Women my age were taught that they could be or do whatever they wanted, but we forgot to teach the little boys alongside them to cheerlead them and lift them up and amplify their voices.”

She hopes the conversations the show has raised will help to change this, and insists she doesn’t take the rude comments personally.“If people feel negatively towards my portrayal, it’s because something about a strong, opinionated woman asking for what she wants triggers them,” she says, plainly. “That’s not something that affects my life.”

Shewakramani wants to raise awareness of strong women in South Asian cultures
Netflix

For now, her focus is on growing her travel business digitally while her tours are on pause, and continuing press interviews to help raise awareness of strong women in the South Asian community.

Is she dating again? Shewakramani hopes she’ll still meet a husband one day, but says she doesn’t have time for now - not that men aren’t trying. “The cast-mates and I were all laughing about that on Zoom last week, because we’re getting all these DMs from people trying to set us up with their brothers or cousins or approaching us themselves,” she laughs.

“Maybe Mr Right is in my DMs right now…” Unfortunately for them, she simply doesn’t have time to find out.

Indian Matchmaking is available to stream on Netflix

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