A posh night on the Townhouse

10 April 2012

This review was published in September 2002

It takes a certain sort of person to enjoy Knightsbridge. Observing them, you'd say that they were an indigenous population of wannabe It girls and rich boys fresh from the first-class lounge of an Emirates airline.

There's the unfathomably popular Blue Bar at the Berkeley Hotel, the stereotypically Sloaney venues of Harvey Nicks' Fifth Floor and the Mandarin Bar at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. Isola has struggled to make a name for itself as a drinking destination, and Zuma is a place that you wouldn't dare go to if you were having a bad face day.

And now we have the Townhouse, an oh-so Knightsbridge drinking den on super-trendy Beauchamp Place, on the site that was until recently known as Min's. The Townhouse is brought to us by a consortium of proprietors led by Douglas Ankrah, the man responsible for the outstanding success of the cocktail bar Lab on Soho's Old Compton Street. Enough pedigree, then, to ensure that this place will also be a winner - or so you'd think.

A burly man almost fills the door-frame at the entrance to the building. His presence, presumably, being deemed necessary to keep the ruffians from nearby South Kensington in their place.

On a reasonably quiet night, the doorman acquiesced to my non-verbal request to enter the building (I stood in front of him) by making room for me to slide past. Conversational ability isn't high on the list of the qualifications necessary to be a doorman in London these days.

The ground floor is where the main action is. This is a long, narrow room with excruciatingly modern furnishings, plasma TV screens and a bar counter that is far too brightly lit for anyone with facial flaws. We ran for cover to the upstairs bar which is much more appealing - wood-panelled walls and leather furnishings in a 'clubby' atmosphere that is both gentlemanly and understated, just as you'd expect an old-fashioned townhouse bar to be.

The cocktail list is almost Biblical in its offering of classic drinks and new creations. At an average price of £7.50 a throw, they aren't especially cheap, but you do get what you pay for with the faultless drinks they conjure up.

The range of spirits is extensive to the point of showing off, Grolsch and Staropramen are available in bottles (£3.50 each), and there's a surprisingly limited wine offering which includes only six reds and six whites, starting at £18.25 for a South African Broken Rock chardonnay or shiraz.

The evening food menu was a bit of a disappointment. A 'sharing' platter of chicken and lamb skewers, vegetable tempura and dips cost £17.90, a steak sandwich cost £14.95 and fish and chips £14.95. Still, Knightsbridge people don't really eat and, even if they did, I'm sure they wouldn't blink twice at these prices.

I returned again for lunch to find a more interesting menu that included shepherd's pie (£11.50), salad nicoise (£12.50) and a tuna melt sandwich (£7.50). And a bowl of soup will set you back a fiver. A brunch menu is offered at weekends (which I didn't try as I'd run out of money) and includes a full English breakfast for £8.50 and eggs benedict at £8.35.

I don't think that I am the target audience for the Townhouse, but then again I'm not sure who is. But if I ever find myself in the unlikely position of being able to stretch my expense account, I'll be happy to go back again and work my way through the cocktail list.

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