A laughable technical fault got the press night of this devitalised revival off to a bad start. Otherwise the show, come to the West End after a lengthy tour, went like clockwork. But there's nothing like watching a clock to make the hours go slow.
The story, based on the Roman founding myth of the Rape of the Sabine women, has a family of roughneck backwoodsmen in 1850s Oregon wooing the ladies of the nearby town. Its sexual politics raise eyebrows - eldest brother Adam's courting of Milly involves his screaming at her to sit down, and her rather liking it. Things go downhill from there.
Though the stage adaptation of the original MGM musical has been around for decades, this production still relies heavily on celluloid recognition factor.
Adrian Allsopp's choreography is a well drilled, lowstakes repackaging of the film's stunt dancing. The frenetic dance battle, in which the brothers and their township rivals sweatily compete over the blissfully aware girls, is a highlight.
But well drilled describes almost every aspect of the show. Whether it's down to months spent on the road, or a to a chronic lack of imagination, Seven Brides feels produced by numbers.
Dave Willetts' Adam and Shona Lindsay's Milly show teeth and sing well but there's zilch chemistry there. The supporting cast prat about confidently, but assume an audience goodwill not earned by the turgid script. The chocolate-box set opens and closes and looks decades old.
It's a cartoon and, for all that it's meant to be a comedy, the vapidity grates. This is - somewhere deep, deep down - a story about the process of civilization and humanity in extremis. The smiley, all-purpose musical-land approach not only robs it of context, vigour and originality, but also makes the chauvinist values on display somehow less bearable. Many brides. Many brothers. A multitude of sins.
Booking until 25 November (0870 380 2003)
Seven Brides For Seven Brothers
Theatre Royal, Haymarket
Haymarket, SW1Y 4HT
